January 30th, 2018
Day #28
For me, leading a fulfilling life has become all about balance. Opposite of how I once lived and look where that got me. Mixing it up, diversifying things I do and try, wandering out of my comfort zone, but at the same time putting in the work, making a difference, having purpose. Focusing on being a good student, co-worker, friend and person. What do I need to do today to be the best I am capable? I try to ask myself that. Do you?
Let's talk.
Let's talk about mental health. The good, the bad and the ugly.
Balance has not always been something that I've been able to achieve. In fact, I've been living the past few years unbalanced - exceedingly unbalanced. I run myself into the ground with four jobs, full time school, cosplay and volunteering for different organizations (and in some cases, leading them). I live an intense, busy life for anyone, let alone a young 20-something year-old. But I do all of these things for a reason. It's time to talk about it.
For years I've been struggling with self-doubt, and living in a form of anxiety that makes me feel like I am stuck in a loop and cannot escape from it. It stems from being ill with something that has been controlling my everyday life for almost six years. I've been told it's all in my head more time than I can count, and given more pills than most people should ever take. It's crippling, it may seem minor, but it's crippling. There are many days that I cannot get out of bed, or days that I do get out of bed, but immediately have to run to the bathroom. Most days I force myself to eat at least one good meal, even if I do not eat the rest of the day because at least I kept down something. It's to the point that my roommates even check in on me to make sure I am staying hydrated, and trying to take care of myself.
I try to internalize everything that is going on, and it continuously wears me down. I've been stressed thinking about my stomach health, and how it's been impacting other parts of my life. And so, I keep extremely busy. I barely rest, which isn't helping my physical health, let alone my mental health. I keep so busy that other parts of my life are changing, most importantly my self-care and my social life. I am beginning to think that I do that because it helps me avoid 'quiet time' to think about other things, or avoid talking to others about it.
I do not like it when people see me anything other than 'myself'. The 'self' that they know is the happy, energetic, hardworking person that I have built up in public. I put in a ton of effort to make sure others are priority, and then leave myself on the back burner. IT IS SO DRAINING, and probably why I am so tired all the time (also the lack of sleep that I've talked about earlier). I don't sleep, but I have been doing better in the new year, surprisingly.
Not everyday is a bad day though. My mental health can be good too. I have days that I am feeling myself, loving every minute of the day, and taking the time to self-preserve and acknowledge that there is a time of the day that I need to get more than an hour of sleep in. I have days that my brain doesn't drift to the negative so quickly, and I have days that I can get right out of bed, and the crippling worries of the day seem to not exist. Having good days are a well needed break.
Even though it feels like bad days have persevered more than the good, I've learned to trick my mind into working through the physical pain and the mentality that it's bad to ask for help, and that it's bad to slow down. Just because the healthcare system isn't always there for me, and I have no answers yet for some of my problems, doesn't mean that they aren't valid. Everything going on in your life is valid, and you do not have to prove yourself to anyone. No one knows your truth except for you.
Things I've learned from being thrown into the water of life:
Sink or Swim
It's a "dog eat dog" world out there.
Or maybe it's "sink or swim."
I can never remember which it is,
although I like to think that dogs
do not go around eating other dogs,
so let's just go with "sink or swim."
Let's Be Rebellious!
And just to be a bit rebellious,
let's add a third option to the old
sink or swim...let's add float!
So now that's three options:
sink, swim, and float OR
fail, succeed, and take a time out.
"Time Outs" Work
When what you've been doing to
try to succeed simply isn't working
any longer, you don't have to give up.
You'll just end up sinking that way.
The floating option means taking
an adult "time out" to rethink why
you're doing what you're doing,
check how you're doing it, and look
at what is and isn't working.
Whatcha Doin?
A person who's floating doesn't look
like they're doing much.
They aren't.
They are letting the water hold them up
and they are conserving energy, face up,
to catch their breath.
Taking a time out to catch your breath
and get your bearings before you strike
out in a new direction is smart, even
if it looks like you're doing nothing
for a little while.
Grab Your Floaties!
Although it might be hard to believe,
sometimes the most important work
gets done with the least amount of
active effort.
Re-evaluating, strategizing, making a
new plan...
that's floating.
Which will lead to swimming.
Which will lead you in the direction of your dreams.
Above all else, it is okay to talk about things without having the fear that other's are judging you. As it turns out, everyone else has baggage and problems too. There is no sense in comparing your problems to others, because they all mean something inherently different to each individual.
Take the time today, tomorrow, and everyday to take are of yourself and those around you (but remember, you cannot go be a superhero for everyone when you're not taken care of first).
Let's continue to talk about it. Let's talk about it to help educate, inform and encourage not only others, but ourselves too.
A friendly reminder that tomorrow (today if you are reading this on the 31st) is #BellLetsTalk day. If Bell is your cell service provider, text up a storm.
For everyone else, use the hashtag #BellLetsTalk on social media. A portion of those messages (5 cents per hashtagged post I believe) goes towards mental health!
Let's break the stigma.
Let's talk.
- M
Day #28
For me, leading a fulfilling life has become all about balance. Opposite of how I once lived and look where that got me. Mixing it up, diversifying things I do and try, wandering out of my comfort zone, but at the same time putting in the work, making a difference, having purpose. Focusing on being a good student, co-worker, friend and person. What do I need to do today to be the best I am capable? I try to ask myself that. Do you?
Let's talk.
Let's talk about mental health. The good, the bad and the ugly.
Balance has not always been something that I've been able to achieve. In fact, I've been living the past few years unbalanced - exceedingly unbalanced. I run myself into the ground with four jobs, full time school, cosplay and volunteering for different organizations (and in some cases, leading them). I live an intense, busy life for anyone, let alone a young 20-something year-old. But I do all of these things for a reason. It's time to talk about it.
For years I've been struggling with self-doubt, and living in a form of anxiety that makes me feel like I am stuck in a loop and cannot escape from it. It stems from being ill with something that has been controlling my everyday life for almost six years. I've been told it's all in my head more time than I can count, and given more pills than most people should ever take. It's crippling, it may seem minor, but it's crippling. There are many days that I cannot get out of bed, or days that I do get out of bed, but immediately have to run to the bathroom. Most days I force myself to eat at least one good meal, even if I do not eat the rest of the day because at least I kept down something. It's to the point that my roommates even check in on me to make sure I am staying hydrated, and trying to take care of myself.
I try to internalize everything that is going on, and it continuously wears me down. I've been stressed thinking about my stomach health, and how it's been impacting other parts of my life. And so, I keep extremely busy. I barely rest, which isn't helping my physical health, let alone my mental health. I keep so busy that other parts of my life are changing, most importantly my self-care and my social life. I am beginning to think that I do that because it helps me avoid 'quiet time' to think about other things, or avoid talking to others about it.
I do not like it when people see me anything other than 'myself'. The 'self' that they know is the happy, energetic, hardworking person that I have built up in public. I put in a ton of effort to make sure others are priority, and then leave myself on the back burner. IT IS SO DRAINING, and probably why I am so tired all the time (also the lack of sleep that I've talked about earlier). I don't sleep, but I have been doing better in the new year, surprisingly.
Not everyday is a bad day though. My mental health can be good too. I have days that I am feeling myself, loving every minute of the day, and taking the time to self-preserve and acknowledge that there is a time of the day that I need to get more than an hour of sleep in. I have days that my brain doesn't drift to the negative so quickly, and I have days that I can get right out of bed, and the crippling worries of the day seem to not exist. Having good days are a well needed break.
Even though it feels like bad days have persevered more than the good, I've learned to trick my mind into working through the physical pain and the mentality that it's bad to ask for help, and that it's bad to slow down. Just because the healthcare system isn't always there for me, and I have no answers yet for some of my problems, doesn't mean that they aren't valid. Everything going on in your life is valid, and you do not have to prove yourself to anyone. No one knows your truth except for you.
Things I've learned from being thrown into the water of life:
Sink or Swim
It's a "dog eat dog" world out there.
Or maybe it's "sink or swim."
I can never remember which it is,
although I like to think that dogs
do not go around eating other dogs,
so let's just go with "sink or swim."
Let's Be Rebellious!
And just to be a bit rebellious,
let's add a third option to the old
sink or swim...let's add float!
So now that's three options:
sink, swim, and float OR
fail, succeed, and take a time out.
"Time Outs" Work
When what you've been doing to
try to succeed simply isn't working
any longer, you don't have to give up.
You'll just end up sinking that way.
The floating option means taking
an adult "time out" to rethink why
you're doing what you're doing,
check how you're doing it, and look
at what is and isn't working.
Whatcha Doin?
A person who's floating doesn't look
like they're doing much.
They aren't.
They are letting the water hold them up
and they are conserving energy, face up,
to catch their breath.
Taking a time out to catch your breath
and get your bearings before you strike
out in a new direction is smart, even
if it looks like you're doing nothing
for a little while.
Grab Your Floaties!
Although it might be hard to believe,
sometimes the most important work
gets done with the least amount of
active effort.
Re-evaluating, strategizing, making a
new plan...
that's floating.
Which will lead to swimming.
Which will lead you in the direction of your dreams.
Above all else, it is okay to talk about things without having the fear that other's are judging you. As it turns out, everyone else has baggage and problems too. There is no sense in comparing your problems to others, because they all mean something inherently different to each individual.
Take the time today, tomorrow, and everyday to take are of yourself and those around you (but remember, you cannot go be a superhero for everyone when you're not taken care of first).
Let's continue to talk about it. Let's talk about it to help educate, inform and encourage not only others, but ourselves too.
A friendly reminder that tomorrow (today if you are reading this on the 31st) is #BellLetsTalk day. If Bell is your cell service provider, text up a storm.
For everyone else, use the hashtag #BellLetsTalk on social media. A portion of those messages (5 cents per hashtagged post I believe) goes towards mental health!
Let's break the stigma.
Let's talk.
- M
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